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Turd Flinging Monkey

Turd Flinging Monkey is a Podcast Host and Renowned Sex Toy Reviewer. He hosts 2 weekly shows: The Morning Constitutional with Halsey English and The TFM Show. The shows are streamed on 5 different alt-tech media platforms:

Co-hosts: Celestina, Aeroshogun, Kuroi, Halsey English, HD George Takei, and Thunderwarrior.

Monkey's Market Minute

Turd Flinging Monkey posts a daily market update on his Foreverpay and Subscribestar pages. In order to access the Monkey's Market Minute, people need to have an active subscription for as little as $5 per month.


Turd Flinging Monkey has published a few books over the years.

Taoist Texts

Publishing date: September 13, 2021. In TFM's words: “While the book Taoist Texts: Ethical, Political and Speculative is in the public domain, all available versions that I could find were lazily scanned from the 1884 original, sometimes as a PDF, and sometimes using a program to detect the text (with limited success due to faded text and the Chinese ideograms). Balfour’s translation of the Tao Te Ching, which incorporates commentary from the Taoist Patriarch Lu Tsu, stands unique among the sea of translations and deserves wider circulation. I hope that by manually combing through the text, correcting scanning and textual errors, cleaning up the Chinese characters, and adding a bit of modern editorial flair, this 137-year-old book can be given proper respect and appreciation.This edition contains all of the following works and translations by F.H. Balfour: The Tao Te Ching (with commentary by Lu Tsu): The Principle of Nature and Its Attributes, The Yin Fu Ching: Clue of the Unseen, The Tai Hsi Ching: Respiration of the Embryo, The Hsin Yin Ching: Imprint of the Heart, The Ta T’ung Ching: Universal Understanding, The Ch’ih Wen Tung: The Red-Streaked Cave, The Ch’ing Ching Ching: Purity and Rest, The Hung Lieh Chuan: History of Great Light, The Su Shu: The Book of Plain Words, The Kan Ying Pien: The Book of Recompenses”

Buy the book here or Buy the kindle version

The Way of Monkey Book

Publishing date: December 11, 2020. In TFM's words: “This book is my philosophy, a combination of Stoicism, Existentialism, Platonism, and Daoism, written (mostly) in the style of a classical Taoist text for no other reason than it amused me and seemed like a good idea at the time. I hope this unique and exotic style allows you see my perspectives on values, politics, society, wisdom, and religion, with fresh eyes and an open mind. There are 85 chapters within this book and beautiful art created by Lisa Win who had previously worked on my book “13 Rules: To Not Be A F\*\*king Cuck”. Unlike many of my previous books, this book does not contain any adult themes or language and it suitable for all ages, although some of the subject matter regarding politics and society may be boring for younger readers. My goal was to make an accessible book filled with (hopefully) timeless wisdom that I could proudly point to as an explanation of what I believe, why I believe it, and why you should consider it as well.”. Buy the book here

13 Rules To Not Be A F**king Cuck

Publishing date: July 6, 2019. “Show me what you value more than your freedom and I'll show you the tool of your enslavement” 13 Rules provides readers with an inventory of philosophical insights and principles in order to live a free and meaningful life. The 13 rules are:

  1. Find the Meaning of Your Life
  2. Save Yourself
  3. Say Yes to Life
  4. Cultivate Internal Validation
  5. Stop Giving a Shit
  6. Amor Fati
  7. Let Go of What You Fear to Lose
  8. Have a Plan and a Backup Plan
  9. Overcome Yourself
  10. Think with your Big Head
  11. Understand Love and Sex
  12. Go Your Own Way
  13. Live a Meaningful Life.

Buy the English version or the German version

The Doll on My Balls and The Doll on my Balls Rides Again: An Adult Christmas Story

Publishing date: September 8, 2019. A lewd and lighthearted holiday satire sequel told in rhyming couplets, which tells the story of a magical love doll that comes to life on Christmas Eve for her lucky owner. A parody of “The X on the Y” series of holiday books and traditions. Buy the book here

Sweet Corn and Ass

Publishing date: April 23, 2018. Mr. Monkey and Mr. Cat debate anal sex in this delightfully dirty adult satire of classic Dr. Seuss books. Buy the book here

user/tfmonkey.txt · Last modified: 2022/08/03 05:20 by kingsland